Single Momhood;We can't all be super heros!!!

I am a single mother; I was from the get go even though I was married. I left her father 5 months after our daughter was born, packed up and moved 3 hours away. He was never there, he was a workaholic who loved making money more than he loved his family, I was the one who got up with her regardless if it was his day off or not, I never got a break, but I never complained, I just left.

I as a last resort went on mothers allowance; welfare. Something that I am not proud of, I feel so degraded, but I had to in order to salvage some future for my daughter, as my ex wasn't paying support. Thanks to my parents and other family my daughter has a good life, full of love and support and lots of family around that take her places that I can't afford. I just don't understand how my daughters father can stay away from her. I can't stand the thought of it, She is my number one, I love her unconditionally.
I am a mother, a teacher, a maid, a hairdresser whatever else being a parent consists of. I am there for her always though sickness and health, She is my everything. I do find it hard sometimes, I have to be two parents. I have to be the good cop, bad cop. My daughter is not deprived of anything, she has all the latest toys, her closet is full of clothes and she is happy. Her happiness is number one, even if I have to wear last years clothes, she comes before I do.
I never thought that I would be a single parent. There are those around me who have the father at home and they still complain about having to do everything, I don't have her father here, I am on my own, doing this on my own, with the exception of my family and without them I'd be worse off. My daughter and I live in an apartment building that's geared to income, no backyard, no privacy and the noise, it's horrible. It's home and we make the best of it. I have dreams, ambition, I know I have to get off the system and get back to work, I never believed in daycare, I never wanted anyone else to raise my daughter and I am so glad I stuck it out.

Lack of sleep; I chose to be a stay at home mom, I chose to stay home and be with her. I couldn't imagine anyone else raising her or me missing a single moment. She is now 4 years old and will be starting school in the fall, she is this smart, beautiful little girl, who is so inquisitive she wants to know everything and learn and be taught. She gives me a purpose, she has taught me how to be patient and kind, she has taught me a lot about my self. I feel for those single parents, it does get hard sometimes but the outcome is worth it. Seeing her happy is the best feeling of all.
She has taught me to love unconditionally.
I hope to find a job and get off the system as I don't want her thinking that this is a life style, it is not, it was suppose to be a temporary alternative, I don't have the experience to find a higher paying job, I wish that being a single parent would be enough on a resume, as I am a multitasker, creative and an educator, she has taught me more about myself than any job could. Still to go back to work minimum wage job, pat time who can survive on that, my options are bleak! I just don't like how people think I am some kind of charity case or just because the father is not around I need help.

Yes I will agree that help is always nice and I had to learn to let others in and let others take her for the night.
I won't get some random babysitter, I don't go out even when someone in my family has her for the night. Maybe I have lost myself and am in mommy mode, forgot that I too need a life outside of the house. My parents tell me I should get out and do something, just to get away for a while, let them take her.
I lost myself but I gained alot more. If I had advice to give to other single parents it would be to hang in there, and do what you think is best for your child(ren), because only you truly know them, and also it's o.k. to ask for help we can't always be superheros! Having a child is not baggage and you need to find someone that is good for you and your child, that accepts that you can't always go out on a whim and that you are a package deal, I have been lucky so far.
My best friend who is male is awesome with my daughter and adores her as if she was his own, he includes her in our lives and makes a point to talk to her and make her feel loved, she adores him. Her father recently got into another relationship and came up to see our daughter, it was horrible, and in turn the girl he was with was a single mom of a ten year old, and as she was telling me that she was a single mom I looked at her and said so am I and my ex- husband is standing right there, a part of your life and your 10 year olds, so why don't you ask him why I have to struggle and why he isn't a parent to his daughter?!
I have sole custody of my daughter, he is suppose to have supervised visitation and I am the one who tags along, now he wants to take her by himself, he hasn't proved himself, he is irresponcible, I cannot just hand my daughter over to him, and she doesn't understand that daddy just can't take her, and he says I am being selfish.
I am her primary parent I have been, I never make excuses to why I can't see her and she has my 110% love and attention. He needs to make more of an effort and start being there for her and maybe, just maybe I will let down my guard and let him have her for and hour or two, but not anytime soon. Being a single parent is about sacrifice, it's about patience and nurture and doing the work of two, My daughter has taught me so much and being a single parent isn't all that bad!

Hopefully now that she is in school I can get my life back on track.
Doing the work of two makes a long day, But I still wouldn't change it for the world.

It's better to give than recieve

  I am so impressed by my daughter Hannah who's 4; She took her own money put it in a purse and asked me to bring her to Dollarama. I asked her what she wanted to buy in reply she said that she wanted to buy a gift for all her classmates. She picked out something for everyone, all different things, went to the cash and paid with her own money. She then made homemade name cards and wrapped them up! She told me Mommy I feel really good doing this and it's better to give than recieve...After all Santa is watching and he would be so proud of me!

My beautiful Baby

My beautiful baby, I fell in love with you even before we met!


As I lay here and sing to you...hoping you are growing strong, I want you to know that you are the sweetest little miracle, making my dreams come true, you are what dreams are made of and I can't wait to be your mom. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and I can't wait to sing the lullaby I wrote for you, My beautiful baby!

I wonder who you will resemble, will you look like me? My beautiful baby, you are the apple of my eye, you set my spirits oh so high, I can't wait to hold you in my arms and I can't wait to teach you right from wrong. It's my destiny to be, a good mommy and you'll see My beautiful baby. Counting the weeks as they go by, till I can tuck you in at night and know that everything is all right with you my beautiful baby! I love you endlessly, you mean the world to me.

WELCOME BABY HANNAH

Mommy's little angel, Daddy's little princess; APRIL 10, 2004 @ 11:19 PM

6 pounds 12.8 ounces, 21 inches long.

Approx 14 hours in labor I watched Hannah being born via mirror it was absolutely amazing. Big blue eyes and reddish brown hair.
Doctor's first words: "She is flawless"
I am so thankful so blessed, I was so overwhelmed with emotion, there in my arms was the most amazing creation, this little bundle of joy; My baby girl, and at that moment it hit me; I am a mom!

Having my daughter was the best day of my life.

From the moment she was born and passed to me, my life had a purpose. I felt this warm feeling deep inside. I am a single mother, I was basically from day one. Although I was married and thought that I had picked a guy that was father material, I was wrong, but the experience of being a mom takes away all the bad times and I focus on the good and all that will be. My daughter has taught me so much about my life; myself. Just like I teach her everyday she also in tern does the same for me.

Her love is unconditional, She makes me smile, gives me a purpose, and as her primary parent she pushes me to my limits, pushing me to be the best mother that I can be. Her Father is never around, rarely sees her. I wonder how he can be the way he is, how he can go without seeing her, when I can't miss a single moment, to him she is a trophy child, he puts her on a pedestal, shows her off or acknowledges her when he knows other people are watching him.
The hardest part is that I am two parents in one, trying to balance it out; when I am the mean one, I feel so bad. My daughter is my everything, My Lil ray of sunshine, She is the best thing that came out of my marriage. I grew up, I am a more warmer person than I have ever been. I have more patience and am much more calmer.
I don't have the urge to go out to the bar, I enjoy spending time with her, I love how inquisitive she is, I love her innocence and it makes me remember that I too was just like her.

Learning from a child

Through the eyes of my child;

The other day my daughter asked me to buy a hat and mitts for a fellow classmate because she hated to see her so cold. We went to the store together she picked out a set and went to the cash by herself and paid for them.

She put them in her back pack and brought them to school for the little girl. " Now she won't be so cold mommy" Yesterday she put some clothes in a bag for school in case someone has an accident and needed to change, she also told her teacher she had costumes in case somebody wants to be Dora or a devil for Hallowe'en.

My daughter willingly gives all her out grown clothes and toys to her Nana's friend who has two little girls who lost everything in a fire, she puts everything in bags, boots, shoes and outfits and calls her Nana to bring them to her friend. She helps me around the house, folding clothes, making beds, even vacuuming.

She is so thoughtful, so caring, very compassionate and hates to see others sad, She'll make pictures for the elderly lady across the hall just to brighten her day, she phones her grandparents just to tell them she loves them, she snuggles and is very honest, always ready to give a compliment and put a smile on everyones face. Her teacher was so impressed that a four year old could be this caring, she wants to use my daughter as an example for the rest of the class.

She puts spare change in the plastic dogs for the blind, she is very polite and has great manners! She amazes me and lives for the moment. I forget how innocent a child can be, how I wish life could be seen through the eyes of a child, pretty rainbows and sunny days where Mommy keeps you safe and nights filled with sweet dreams. My Grandmother says my daughter is good medicine, she is an angel in disguise. She makes me remember that I too was just like her and even though life throws a few curve balls, the one thing that you can always rely on is the love from your child, Being a mom cannot be compared to anything, if only they could stay that innocent and non judgemental.

We can learn to relax and go with the flow to remember when we were a child and let out the inner child in all of us, we can learn to be more giving and not expect anything in return, we can learn to be more loving and always say we love that person before we walk out the door, we can take the time to take "baby" steps and open our eyes and absorb what the world has to offer, We as adults take little things for granted and My daughter reminds me to just breathe, and smell the roses rather than walk by to take a moment and really see things for what they are and the beauty within.

Compassion in children

 I am so proud of my daughter! I just wanted to share as she is only 4 and has a warm heart. A classmate of hers shows up at school with no mitts or hat and the little one is very cold. My daughter asks if we can go buy her classmate a hat and mitts because she hates to see her freeze, so we did!

She also gave her clothes she grew out of to a family in need, as well is bringing old costumes to school in case her friends need to borrow one. Sorry I just wanted to share, Her teacher is so amazed at her being so thoughtful at a young age!

Early Education

I believe the earlier the better, My daughter Hannah was 6 months old when she spoke her first words; Ma-Ma, When she was in the womb I would read to her and sing, rub my tummy as I spoke to her. From day one I'd educate her everyday, interacting with her, reading to her. I don't believe in baby talk and never spoke that way to her. We pretend play, she is the student, I am the teacher, she practices tracing her letters, knows opposites, can find differences, very smart. I believe it's because of all the one on one from myself, as a stay at home mom, her and I spend a lot of time together, busy days filled with crafts, I allow her to go on websites and play educational games, having fun while learning. She knows her numbers and uses the phone to call her grandparents etc.

I make the best out of every situation, She can memorize a whole book. I feel that parents should interact with their children and talk to them, read to them, giving them a head start to kindergarten. I don't like when people speak baby talk to their child, it's degrading, they are capable of learning, being taught so why not start off right, how would you like it if someone spoke to you like that? It would degrade your intelligence. She is now four and will be going in to preschool in September, She knows how to count to 30, Knows her alphabet, knows all her colours, she can spell simple words like cat and dog, mom and dad, baby etc. She spells and writes her name and mine (mom) She spoke her first sentence at a young age as well " I see a bird in a tree". She is very inquisitive which makes it easier to teach her, Her repertoire has grown immensely. I encourage those around her to keep educating her, if she asks questions we do the best to answer them.
I have a friend and his son is two and can barely talk; he cries and screams, making it hard to communicate with him. I believe he may have a learning disability, he hasn't reached milestones but it could also be bad parenting, his mom doesn't communicate with him, he is sent to play rather than being read to, When he is in my presence I interact with him constantly,trying to teach him and I don't back down, I am persistant; when he screams I give him a time out and ask him what he wants even if he has to show me, then I repeat the word to him juice; I want juice. I read to him and have noticed a change in the past weekend alone. So I think that educating your child from day one is essential and rewarding at the same time. A sense of accomplishment, and it also gives your child a head start in the right direction, giving them a chance to flourish and grow.

A look at Dr. Seuss books

  Dr. Seuss rules; I loved the books when I was a child and my daughter loves them too, They are easy to understand and easy to read or memorize as my daughter has, she is four years old and Dr. Seuss opens up a world of imagination, and educating, rhyming, and the alphabet. Green Eggs and Ham, The little bug when kachoo, One fish, two fish, red fish , blue fish, and of course the Cat in the Hat and lets not forget about the Grinch who stole Christmas. Five of my daughters favorites, Stories I grew up with, that I was more than happy to pass on to my daughter, Dr. Seuss' books are entertaining, so much that the stories have been made into movies.

The Grinch who stole Christmas with Cindy Lou who and all the others who's in Who-ville, Where Jim Carey plays the part of the Grinch so well.
The Cat in the Hat with Conrad and Sally, Where Mike Myres does an excellent job playing the Cat in the Hat. The movie is for children and adults. Horton hears a who, was made into an animated movie, I wasn't that impressed with it; neither was my four year old daughter and we both agreed that the book was so much better! I have bought my daughter Dr. Suess' cat in the hat animated stories on dvd, she's not a big fan. she still prefers the books.
Dr. Seuss opens the door to possibilities and adventure, The silly names of animals or things, the talking fish or a story told by a bug and how his sneeze cause a chain reaction of things that happened to other people and animals.
Hop on Pop however last I heard they were trying to ban the book because it was of a sexual content; Hop on Pop, as if; I am so sure a child thinks this way and refers to the book as having sexual content, oh the controversy of the name, all in all there is nothing sexual about the book, and it does teach children to sound out simple words, ball, all, tall, wall, hop, pop, stop and so on.
My favorite books were Are you my mother?! I loved how the little bird hopped around looking and asking if these animals, machines where his mother, and Green eggs and Ham, teaching a child that how do you know that you won't like something if you haven't tried it first, and that trying something new is always good even if you end up not liking it, you still tried it. I encourage my daughter to sound out the words and let her imagination soar, I enjoy reading them to her as well because it reminds me of being a young child and I still love Dr. Suess' books. As I started off I will end the same, Dr. Seuss Rules, and I hope he continues to create and publish more books.